Intimate relationships can offer comfort, support and fun, but can also be a source of anguish, frustration and despair. It is normal for there to be periods of natural highs and lows in attraction, energy and enthusiasm. However, many problems arise from factors such as work and financial pressures, or goals and expectations being different between partners. These are some of the areas changes can be made which can boost relationship satisfaction and pave the way for new growth together.
According to the Australian Psychological Society the four most common relationship problems are;
Poor communication – The way people talk (or don’t talk) to one another can cause a lot of distress and tension. Some examples of poor communication are when one partner:
• Has a demanding or intrusive communication style and the other partner withdraws or refuses to communicate in response.
• Tries to manipulate the other with negative emotions, such as anger and sadness.
• Personally criticises his/her partner, such as calling him/her ‘lazy’, rather than explaining that it is their partner’s behaviour that they dislike.
• Fails to show concern for or understanding of the other by not physically or emotionally responding to them.
Poor problem-solving skills – Problem solving skills are vital to working out relationship difficulties, and other issues that affect relationships, ranging from simply paying bills to organising activities that involve quality time together. Some common barriers to problem solving are:
• Not identifying the cause of the problem. For example, assuming your partner’s recent disinterest means he/she is losing feelings for you, when the actual reason is work stress.
• Choosing a solution before considering all options. For example, thinking that a holiday will fix a situation, rather than looking at minor changes that could make a great improvement.
• Trying to solve the problem without your partner. Not working out solutions together may lead to blaming one another when things don’t work out.
Inadequate partner support – Both partners need to give and receive adequate support for a relationship to survive and flourish. Some common problems in this area are:
• Having unrealistic expectations and demands. Relying on your partner to meet all your support needs is likely to place too much pressure on them. Your partner is only human and makes mistakes, gets tired and has his or her own needs.
• Not effectively communicating your needs can result in arguments. For example, when one partner gets upset because the other forgot to do something that they did not realise they were meant to do.
Lack of quality time together Quality time together involves:
• Jointly planning to spend quality time together and, when doing so, focus on positive things, unless you agreed to do otherwise beforehand.
• Identifying shared interests that you can enjoy together and try to think of new ones that you can try. Also, deepen your understanding of the activities your partner enjoys most.
If your relationship is in need of a tune up or you would like to seek help with any aspect of your relationship please contact Bulimba Psychology today on 07 3899 1455 or via email info@bulimbapsychology.com.au
